Hi, my name is Christina and I am... an artist. Yes you read that right, with a tone of hesitation, fear, and doubt. Introducing myself as an artist first and foremost is the hardest thing for me to conquer. That I still have yet to really do. My entire life, I've tried to find stand-ins for that introduction. Growing up, my parents wanted that stand-in to be something respectable - a doctor, a lawyer, a business professional of some sort. They've since let go of that and I subconsciously continued to carry the torch of finding the "right" thing to introduce myself as. Gallery director, blogger, manager, salesperson, creative consultant, whatever "creative" position I could find that would support a comfortable life. And the problem with all of that is ultimately they will always be just the stand-ins. None feel just right. None feel like the real me.
Although I'm terrified... literally TERRIFIED of failure, I know that I have to do this. I have to keep putting myself out there and continue going through the cycle of doubt, the spiral downwards and right back up and around again. Every single time I get within an inch of giving it all up, I can't bring myself to do it. So I think that maybe that's a sign that I need to do this and that I need to give it more credence. It's always easier said than done; I've written this blog or some version of this manifesto so many times that I lost count. But it never really stops for me. This internal struggle is always happening inside of every artist. I admire every single one who is able to overcome it and continue to create. I'm really hoping that one day I'll be right there with them.