Two Hands of an Artist: a never-ending balancing act

On one hand, I'm so grateful to finally be in a healthy and stable place. I have a lot of support behind me in my community that continues to push my work.

On the other hand, there are a lot of opportunities that I do not get chosen for or that I feel would have been perfect for me. And I wonder, what is it that I'm missing that led to that person to count me out?

On one hand, I have a breadth of of drawing and painting skills that allow me to appeal to a diverse audience.

On the other hand, I've been drawing and painting for my entire life. And it would be nice if I could just make what feels right for me instead of having to consider profitability and marketability.

On one hand, my pricing feels fair.

On the other hand, I still have a natural tendency to undervalue my time and my work. But I feel like I have no choice in the matter, as it comes down to supply and demand.

On one hand, I have a livelihood that allows me to work at home and be safe which is something I absolutely need as I'm expecting my first child later this year.

On the other hand, I've lost a lot of opportunities for events, markets, and mural projects that I wanted to be able to do one last time before my entire life changes. I'm not sure when/if I'll be able to do those things again.

On one hand, the world is changing. People are becoming more aware of what's happening around them, myself included. I'm learning more and more every day.

On the other hand, I don't know how to continue with this knowledge. What is most important for me to do? What is the right way for me to contribute? How can I sustain this learning and continue to make my living in a way that properly honors it?

On one hand, I pretty much have the life I always wanted, the life I never thought I could get.

On the other hand, I'm only human. And I'm really scared my dreams are going to fall apart.

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